Ouch! This implement - designed to fit inside your rectum - claims it will help your 'piles, constipation and prostate trouble' but looks more like a torture device that will do more harm than good

The VERY bizarre vintage items that would never sell today

The past is a foreign country, it’s said – and a newly unearthed cache of vintage advertisements showcasing very bizarre products may prove the saying to be true.

These strange newspaper adverts from the 20th century all flog innovative items that clearly didn’t catch on.

From a very painful ‘rectorotor’ that claims to relieve constipation and prostate ‘trouble,’ to bizarrely flat toaster bacon and a tube of lube to grease up your Rubik’s Cube, these are the products that would never sell today.

And some items will make you wonder why anyone ever thought customers would want one.

Ouch! This implement - designed to fit inside your rectum - claims it will help your 'piles, constipation and prostate trouble' but looks more like a torture device that will do more harm than good

Ouch! This implement – designed to fit inside your rectum – claims it will help your ‘piles, constipation and prostate trouble’ but looks more like a torture device that will do more harm than good

Some of the bizarre vintage items advertised in newspapers that have been found recently are strangely flat toaster bacon
Other items include stuffed girl's heads - a very sexist item aimed at men who want evidence of their 'conquests'

Some of the bizarre vintage items advertised in newspapers that have been found recently are strangely flat toaster bacon (left) and fake stuffed girl’s heads (right) – a very sexist item that spoofs stuffed animal heads aimed at men who want evidence of their ‘conquests’

The models in this vintage advertisement have tried - and failed - to look chic in these hilarious inflatable sauna pants that haven't caught on in the 21st century

The models in this vintage advertisement have tried – and failed – to look chic in these hilarious inflatable sauna pants that haven’t caught on in the 21st century

Before the days of health and safety - or common sense? A hob on top of a refrigerator would surely lower the temperature of your fridge, while we're not sure it's a good idea to have a sink so close to either a fridge or a stovetop

Before the days of health and safety – or common sense? A hob on top of a refrigerator would surely lower the temperature of your fridge, while we’re not sure it’s a good idea to have a sink so close to either a fridge or a stovetop

This bizarre item could make your eggs cube-shaped - though why you would want them that shape is a mystery
Another advert is for a canvas sack that you can attach to your car - for your dog. The RSPCA wouldn't be happy if you did that!

This bizarre item (left) could make your eggs cube-shaped – though why you would want them that shape is a mystery. Another advert is for a canvas sack that you can attach to your car (right) – for your dog. The RSPCA wouldn’t be happy if you did that!

It's doubtful this device can help you regrow your hair - and it will just make you look very silly in the process

It’s doubtful this device can help you regrow your hair – and it will just make you look very silly in the process

Is there anything more creepy than gifting your lover a pair of your lips in bronze to mount on the wall?

Is there anything more creepy than gifting your lover a pair of your lips in bronze to mount on the wall?

This pillow is perfect for teen fans with a crush on someone famous - though tastes may have changed since this advert came out
Another bizarre and pretty sexist vintage item is for a massage vibrator that the advert claims will 'keep her young and pretty'

This pillow is perfect for teen fans with a crush on someone famous – though tastes may have changed since this advert came out (left). Another bizarre and pretty sexist vintage item is for a massage vibrator that the advert claims will ‘keep her young and pretty’ (right)

Can't swim? Not a problem if you wore these very off swimming trunks that had 'invisible' floating aids inside the pockets

Can’t swim? Not a problem if you wore these very off swimming trunks that had ‘invisible’ floating aids inside the pockets

We have Christmas lights for a reason! The glow-in-the-dark Christmas tree never really took off

We have Christmas lights for a reason! The glow-in-the-dark Christmas tree never really took off

Rubik's Cubes were all the rage in the 1980s - so much so that one company invented a 'lube' for your cube to make it turn more easily

Rubik’s Cubes were all the rage in the 1980s – so much so that one company invented a ‘lube’ for your cube to make it turn more easily

Imagine walking into the kitchen and seeing your mother, father, daughter, son, brother or sister wearing one of these

Imagine walking into the kitchen and seeing your mother, father, daughter, son, brother or sister wearing one of these

Underpants that you can also go swimming in (as long as they're not white, as they'll go transparent) were being advertised in this newspaper
Another odd item being sold in the papers was a 'facial gym' that claims to tone youe neck and face

Underpants that you can also go swimming in (as long as they’re not white, as they’ll go transparent) were being advertised in this newspaper (left) – I wonder why they didn’t catch on? Another odd item being sold in the papers was a ‘facial gym’ that claims to tone youe neck and face (right)

Guess where you wear this? This 'sack suspensory' claims it will stop chafing or pinching if you're active - but we hope no-one wore one to impress someone in the bedroom

Guess where you wear this? This ‘sack suspensory’ claims it will stop chafing or pinching if you’re active – but we hope no-one wore one to impress someone in the bedroom

Posted on; DailyMail>>

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